When the snow disappears and the warm weather finally arrives in the Spring, people are very fond of saying, “Spring has sprung”. How come at this time of year, when the days are shorter and the nights are downright chilly, people don't say, “Fall has fallen”. I've never heard anyone say that. But I think we should. Maybe I'll start something.
We’re a few days past Halloween, so as expected, all of the stores are obsessed with Christmas. I’m not sure they remember that there’s a holiday wedged in between the two. Thanksgiving, in the retail world, is simply the first day of the rabid, pushing-and-shoving, mow-down-anyone-who-gets-in-your-way shopping season. I’m glad to see that some of the chain stores have decided that the Friday after Thanksgiving is early enough for the onslaught. Personally I avoid department stores like the plague from now until mid January.
This year I’m all about the “buy local” movement. The more I learn about our climate issues, the scarier it is. One way to combat that is by buying stuff that’s made locally, instead of being shipped all around the country. Or the world. The last few times I ordered items from Amazon, I was surprised to find that they shipped from overseas. I ordered a new cell phone cover, for example. I paid about $6, and the case shipped from Japan. It boggles the mind to imagine that someone made money off of this. At a minimum, that case went from the manufacturer to the post office; then onto a truck to be delivered to an airport; it was put on a plane and flown to the US, at which point it had to go through customs; then it went on another truck to the US post office, then into another truck and delivered to my door. That’s a minimal scenario; there’s every chance that it went through a few more channels. Each and every one of the hands that it went through on it’s way to me got a cut of my $6. How is that even enough to pay for gas, not to mention jet fuel? And then there’s Amazon, who got a cut of my $6 too.
So although I love the convenience of online shopping, I’ve decided that I need to give it up. It’s crazy that my simple cell phone cover had to be shipped halfway around the world, with all of those trucks and planes contributing to the environmental woes we’re dealing with. Buying from local chain stores is better, but even better is to look for shops that sell items made locally. It feels a bit like a treasure hunt, trying to find these places. By definition, they’re not big or heavily advertised. You’ve got to look closely to find them, checking out the little shops with tiny signs. You’ve got to be willing to look for the diamond in the rough. So that’s my goal this year - to do all of my holiday gift shopping at these types of places. If you’ve got any places to recommend, I’d love to hear about them.
I’ll be keeping things simple this year. Of course, I say that every year. And every year I fail miserably. But with my kids getting older, I think I’ve got a reasonable chance this year. 2 or 3 years ago I was ready to give up some of the little traditions we built when the kids were little, but my daughter wasn’t ready. The advent calendar is a good example.
If anyone with little kids is reading this, let me offer a little advice. There’s a temptation to develop little traditions with your family, and you should. But set the bar low. Start out with one little low-key tradition, so that you give yourself room to grow. You might think the Elf on the Shelf seems like a great idea, for example. It’s this adorable game where every night you move the elf, so that when the kids get up the next morning, they think the little guy was getting up to hijinks over night. Seems like fun, right? And I’m sure that it IS fun, for the first couple of nights. But that’s about where you want to draw the line, at least for the first year. Because next year, you’ll probably want to up the ante, and have the elf start his schtick a couple nights earlier and be a little crazier. And the next year, you’ll add a couple more nights. Think about where that’s going. By the time the kids are pre-teens, they’ll excitedly start talking about the elf before Thanksgiving. And then the pressure is on you to deal with that little dickens for a month straight. And no matter how tired you are on any given night, you have to stay up until you’re sure the kids are asleep and then rack your brain to find a creative new scenario for the elf to star in. So yeah, start small, and give yourself something to grow into.
The Elf on the Shelf came into vogue too late for my kids, but we had an advent calendar instead. You’re probably thinking of the paper or cardboard versions where you open a little flap every night to reveal a cute holiday picture. That’s not what we have, though. We have this box with 24 little drawers in it. Each drawer is tiny. The smallest is about big enough to fit a couple of hershey kisses. The largest is big enough for a matchbox car. Just one matchbox car, mind you. And when you’ve got 2 kids, one matchbox car is not enough.
The first year, when the kids were preschoolers, was easy. Stickers were thrilling. Erasers, super balls, candy. Easy peasy, and the kids loved it. Which meant, of course, that a tradition was born. From that point forward, I needed to fill that calendar with 24 little items for each kid, every year. For 2 or 3 years, it stayed pretty easy. But once they got to be 7 or 8 years old, it got harder. Stickers didn’t cut it any more. Candy became a disappointment, because they looked forward to a little gift in their calendar. Something they could play with. I used all the tricks in the book. I put little notes in the calendar directing them to a bigger item hidden somewhere else. I put a single item in a drawer, and pulled out the 2nd kid’s item after the drawer got opened. I used cash sometimes. But again, you get the inflation factor. The first year, a quarter thrilled them. They knew they could use it to get a gumball at the grocery store. A couple years later, they liked getting a dollar, so that they could buy themselves another pack of pokemon cards. A couple years later, five dollars was enough to buy themselves a new book. You see where I’m going with that. It got more and more expensive. I reached the point that I was tired of the hassle of trying to find things that fit in those little drawers before my youngest kid tired of the tradition.
So think carefully, young parents, about the traditions you establish. I’d suggest that you start with thoughts instead of things. A riddle advent calendar, for example. Or a joke advent calendar. Keep it simple. You’ll thank me in a few years.
I’d also caution you against the gift escalation factor. If you don’t know what that is, it's a parent’s desire to make this Christmas just a little bit better than the last one. The pile of presents should look a little bigger, the stockings should look a little fuller. Again, it’s harmless enough at the beginning, but it gets harder every year. I know people who tried to limit themselves to just 3 gifts for each kid. Seems like a great idea, right? Just 3 gifts every year. But over time, one of those gifts turned into a box that had 2 or 3 gifts in it; and then that morphed into a box with 4 or 5 items plus a gift with 2 items rolled up together. And before you know it, it was “3” gifts that were made up of 20 individual items. It’s fun to be the hero, and have your kids thrilled and surprised every Christmas. But it’s just not sustainable. Here I sit on the other side of that fence. The kids are harder to impress now, so getting lots of little cheap gifts doesn’t work any more. And I’d rather not do that anyhow. I like the idea of living with less. Sure, it’s exciting to see a pile of brightly wrapped presents under the tree on Christmas morning. But the next day, you’ve got a pile of things that they’re only mildly interested in, not to mention a huge pile of trash.
So now I’m in the process of downsizing Christmas. I think the kids are ready for that, they’ll have no problem with it. It’ll be harder for me. They golden days of excited little ones running into the living room with big eyes are over. Those are days I’ll look back on fondly. And now it’s time to move on. Here’s to presence instead of presents.
I’m not quite finished with summer yet, so it’s too soon to wish you happy holidays. Check back next month - maybe I’ll be ready by then. Certainly by January. February at the latest.
Photos: Wix.com