Land of Plenty

The United States is called the “Land of Plenty”, and wow, is that true. Walk into most any grocery store, department store, drug store, or big box store, and you’ll see what I mean. Take the shampoo aisle, for example. I recently decided I wanted to switch shampoos. So I went into the aisle and started looking around. It took all of about eight seconds to be thoroughly overwhelmed. The store I was in, a mid-sized CVS, had more than 30 shampoos to choose from, at least as many conditioners, and twice that many styling products. I don’t live in a booming metropolis, it’s not like this was a mega-CVS in the heart of the city. This was in my little hometown, population approximately 10,000. Why do 10,000 people need 30 shampoo choices?

With so many option, how on earth was I supposed to decide which product was going to do the trick for me? Among the color explosion on the shelf, I was able to pick out a brand that I’d used in the past. I didn’t remember if I liked it or not, but at least it was familiar. So that narrowed my search down to seven or eight choices. This particular vendor had a shampoo for colored-treated hair; one for dry hair; one for curly hair; there’s one if you want silky hair, another if you want smooth hair, and another if you want thickened hair; there’s an “anti-breakage” and a “moisture rich”; and there’s a “deep cleanse”. Wow, is there really that much variety in hair?

I have color-treated hair that could use some thickening, and I also have some trouble with breakage. So what now? Do I buy three shampoos and use all of them every day? Alternate one each day? I read the claims on the bottle. The people who write these things are advertising geniuses. According to each one, I’ll be ready to start my career as a super-model right after I start using this product. It’s quite possible that I’ll be happier, more popular, healthier and richer after I use one of these babies. But only if I choose the right one. After a good seven minutes, I make a choice. Only time will tell if I’m chosen wisely.

Three steps to the left, and I have to start all over again with conditioners. Do I get the matching conditioner? Or should I get a complimentary one: color-treated shampoo plus thickening conditioner? What if it ends up too thick and become unruly? Oh, I know the answer to that. Turn around to the other side of the aisle, and pick out the appropriate styling product!

Of course, that choice is just as overwhelming. Do I want a cream, a mousse, a spray or a gel? Should I get Organic or Fragrance Free? Do I want “Firm Hold”, “Freeze”, or “Flexible Hold”? And WHAT is “Superglue Hold”?? Will I be able to pull my hand away from my head after applying that one? I’m sure my hair will look perfect, except where that one hand is stuck to it all day.

By this time I was so completely DONE with this experience that I put out my hand and grabbed a bottle without even reading it. As I turned to leave the aisle, I was confronted with the “Treatment” products, which offer me fixes for split ends, breakage, frizz and hair loss. OMG, do I need these products too? I just… I don’t… AHHH!! At this point I knew that I MUST leave the store. My head was absolutely about to explode and make a huge mess all over the nice clean floor if I had to make any additional hair care decisions.

I gotta tell you, I’m a little suspicious that it’s all a conspiracy of the Hair Care industry. You see, the reason I need conditioner is because the shampoo is drying out my hair. The conditioner leaves my hair flat, so then I need a styling product to lift the roots. Plus another styling product to make all the waves wave in the same direction, although this one dries out my hair. Which means I need hair spray to prevent the frizzy fly-aways. You see what I mean? The more products I use, the more I need.

Here’s a thought. What if I just stopped?

Seriously, what would happen if I threw the entire lot in the trash? I have no idea, since it’s been years since I’ve gone without my products. Way back when I was a teenager, my hair would get greasy and stringy if I didn’t take care of it. But is that still true? I mean, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not a teenager any more. They say things change as you get older, as evidenced by my "girls" who seem to be having a competition to see who can reach my waistline first. Maybe it’s time to revisit the whole hair care situation.

So if you see me out-and-about in the next few days looking, well, different, please understand that I’m doing this for all of human-kind. I will get to the bottom of this conspiracy! My apologies in advance if I scare your small children with my all-natural drowned-rat look. This’ll be a good opportunity to remind them that even rat-ladies can be nice people.

If this doesn't work out, maybe I'll try out one of these new looks:

Photo Credits

Shampoo aisle: CC Image courtesy of beverlyislike on Flickr (CC BY-ND 2.0)

Land of Plenty

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