2022 Blessings

2022 was a hard year for me. I spent much of the year helping my mother deal with an illness that ended up taking her life a couple months ago. I also lost two dogs to cancer, and all of those loses came on top of my father’s death less than two years ago.

As the year comes to a close, I’m tempted to rush through the last couple of weeks, running away from this awful year as though it’s on fire and I’m doused in gasoline. I can’t wait to put it behind me.

But I’m resisting that urge. I’ve spent too much energy running away from painful things in my life. It’s my signature move. Avoiding painful things is a natural and healthy instinct, but it can be taken too far, and I’m often guilty of that.

This time around, I’m intentionally stopping to reflect on the past year, with all of its miseries, and remember that in the midst of all of the crap, there were good things too, as is always the case.

Here, then, are some of the things that blessed me this year.

Blessing #1: The Calm Before the Storm

Last January, when Mom’s illness was just a niggling concern, I joined her and my step-dad in Florida for a couple of weeks. She and I had been to Florida together many times over the years, but this was a particularly good trip. Instead of hitting up the major attractions, we focused on a wealth of little ones.

We visited a wild animal safari, kayaked with manatees, visited a botanical garden, saw a Christmas display at a mansion, road an air boat, went to a monument to the U.S. states, took a boat ride through a canal system… and that’s just scratching the surface! In addition to attractions, we ate out at several restaurants, and played cards. Remember that this was all in the course of less than two weeks!

It was a crazy busy two weeks, and we had a fabulous time. I’m glad we took the time to visit the smaller attractions. They are less overwhelming, and left me with enough energy to enjoy the dinners, games and conversations.

At the time, I assumed that we’d have several more trips to together, and wondered if we should have saved some of those attractions for another trip. You never know when it’s the last time, do you? We so often look back and regret that we didn’t appreciate something when it was happening, but in this one glorious moment, we immersed ourselves in the experience and milked it for all it was worth.

I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am for that.

The lesson that I need take from this is to not save things for next time. Do it all now. Tomorrow is a possibility, but today is a sure thing. Live large right now. No waiting.

Blessing #2: Family

When your life goes to crap, who will be standing next to you, helping you absorb the gale force winds that are battering you?

The answer for me, as it turns out, is: siblings, step-parents, kids, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews.

I always knew I was lucky to have a supportive family, but this past year, I learned how deep my bench is. My brother and sister walked the fiery path side-by-side with me this past year. We kept an eye on each other, tag-teaming to make sure that Mom was taken care of while also

juggling all of the other things in our lives.

My step-dad totally stepped up when Mom got sick. I never really thought of him as the caretaking type, but how wrong I was. There wasn’t a single task, no matter how pungent, that he shied away from. I’m eternally grateful that he shouldered so much of the burden.

Every time I turned around, there was an aunt, uncle or cousin offering a shoulder to cry on or a word of encouragement. Nieces and nephews were patient listeners and perpetual background supporters, quietly in my corner if I needed them.

My kids were the same. When do you stop seeing your kids as children and recognize them as fully adult? For me, that was this year, when both of my kids became voices that steadied me. Our relationships have shifted ever so slightly this year. We’ve crossed that line, where I was the giver and they were the receivers. We’re on equal footing now. It won’t last, of course. In fact, it’ll start to tip in the other direction, and we’ll reach the day when they are taking care of me. But for now, I love where we’ve arrived.

The lesson for me here is to remember that little gestures have big meaning. A quick text message, a card, a word of support – they all provide traction to the person who’s scrambling to find their footing. I often feel helpless when someone in my circle is suffering. This lesson will remind me that little things count.

Blessing #3: Canine Companions

I started the year with three dogs, and I’m ending the year with three dogs, but some of the faces have changed. I lost two old friends this year. I’ve lost many pets in the past, but these two were especially poignant, because of their connection to my kids. We got them as puppies when the kids were in grade school. The kids helped raise the dogs and the dogs helped raise the kids. After the kids left for college, it still felt like I had family at home, even if it was just the furry kids left. Letting these two go was tough on all of us.

I was determined not to get any more dogs, because the heartache of losing them was too hard to take. I was content with my one remaining dog. But the universe had other plans.

My step-mom called me last month to tell me that she was no longer able to take care of all three of her beloved chihuahuas. As much as she hated to do it, she knew that giving some of them up was in their best interest. So, she asked me to help find new homes for two of them.

I brought them to my house while I was searching for resources to help place them. I spent a few weeks working on that, but in all honestly, it was an endeavor that was doomed to failure. I knew I was in trouble on day two, when both pups were curled up on my lap right next to their new doggy sister. I kept up the pretense of placing them for a while longer, but as soon as an interested party stepped forward, I caved. These were my dad’s beloved dogs, after all, and it didn’t feel right to let them go.

The amount of fur that’s accumulating in my house these days is ridiculous, but other than that, the two newcomers are settled comfortably in. It gives me peace of mind to know that these two family members will live out the rest of their days comfortable and loved.

What’s the lesson here? Go with the flow. Make your plans, but know that they are always subject to change. My life is richer with these two little furballs in it. I’m glad I didn’t turn them away just because they weren’t part of my plan.

Blessing #4: Freedom

I am the last person you’ll hear waxing poetic about the greatness of our country, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the freedoms that it offers.

In the past year, I’ve traveled alone, kayaked alone, and hiked alone.

I chose when and where to work.

I wore clothing that made me comfortable, regardless of other people’s comfort.

I voiced opinions that weren’t popular.

I voted for ballot questions that mattered to me.

I got a new tattoo.

I dyed my hair purple.

These are all things that are easy to take for granted, but there’s been crap that has happened this year, both here and abroad, that makes me realize how fragile our grasp on these freedoms is. We’ve seen all sorts of atrocities overseas, with wars and with acts of violence against women. There are countries where women aren’t allowed to walk the streets alone, and where women can be killed for inappropriate clothing choices. Even here in the U.S., freedoms that have been in place for most of my life have been reversed.

But here I am, hopping in my RV whenever the mood strikes, careening around the country, dropping my kayak in whatever puddle I find, and striking off into the woods on barely-discernable trails.

This is a blessing that I’m eternally grateful for. I live a lifestyle that’s not possible in many countries, and that wasn’t feasible in the U.S. a few short years ago.

So, although I’m not waving any American flags over here, I’m still grateful for living in this place, at this time. It’s not a perfect country – there are plenty of warts. But it’s one of the good ones, by and large.

The lesson I’ll take from this is that freedoms can’t be taken for granted. Some things I’ve always thought of as unretractable rights aren’t as rock-solid as I thought. As odious as it is, I need to pay attention to politics that swirl around those freedoms, doing whatever I can to prevent backslide.

Moving On…

I hope your blessings were as generous as mine in 2022. Here’s to a (hopefully) gentler, kinder 2023.

Cheers.